The Best Case Scenario Survival Handbook for Nebraska and Omaha
HOW TO:
- Dodge potholes
o Learn which side of the street to drive on to avoid the worst of them
o Bring extra tires (at least 8)
- Survive stranded in a 3 month old snow bank
o Break out the Johnnie Walker Red
o Have an extra pair of red underwear for signaling
- Eat a proper steak
o The word “Omaha” must preface the word steak
o Literally compare it to butter
- Shuck corn
o It’s not rocket science
o Shuck or starve
- Support your football team: Cornhuskers
o The SEC does not exist in Nebraska
o “I’ve got chills throughout my body”—Bo Pelini
- Make it to the Fortune 500
o Not everyone can be Warren Buffet…but you can try
o If you become a Fortune 500 (Mutual of Omaha) you can afford to house your own Chick-fil-A and keep everyone else from enjoying it
- Dwell on the bluff
o Omaha was named by the Native Americans for people who dwell on the bluff
o Most people either live at the bottom of a hill, on top of a hill, or on the side of a hill.
- Make art out of junk
o Car Henge
o Johnson Museum of the Odd
- Gain a sense of direction without a compass
o Streets with names go East and West (when you hit streets with namesthat begin with Co Rd # you know you’re way West of Omaha)
o Streets with Numbers go North and South (count backwards from 264 andwhen the numbers run out…you’re in Iowa)
- Drive recklessly
o Run a red-light (don’t worry at least two cars behind you will run it too)
o Speed efficiently (10 over the limit is not high enough—hit the pedal)
- Enjoy good music
o Omaha by Tapes N Tapes
o “Omaha” Counting Crows
