“The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things– the beauty, the memory of our own past– are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.
Do you think I am trying to weave a spell? Perhaps I am; but remember your fairy tales. Spells are used for breaking enchantments as well as for inducing them. And you and I have need of the strongest spell that can be found to wake us from the evil enchantment of worldliness which has laid upon us for nearly a hundred years.”
–C.S. Lewis, “The Weight of Glory,” in The Weight of Glory and Other Addresses (New York: Harper Collins, 1949/2001), 30-31.
I recently decided to see how productive I could be without Facebook and Twitter. I still find myself thinking in 160 character limits and wanting to update my Facebook status with random nonsense. I’ll probably reactivate them eventually, I’m a radicalist and never will be, but in all honesty, I’ve accomplished much more in the real world without having to worry about checking online.
Today I was listening to Slacker (you suck) and was surprised to hear the song Coffee and Cigarettes by Michelle Featherstone from the One Tree Hill soundtrack (on my John Mayer station? What is Slacker thinking? Why did I have to use my Pandora limit up?) While listening to this depressing song (of course it’s off of the teenage angst drama of the year) I imagined rethinking the lyrics. I imagine years from now country singers and Rap artist will write about giving up Facebook and Twitter instead of cigarettes and booze. Below are Featherstones lyrics rethought:
I gave up facebook and twitter I hate to say it hasn’t helped me yet I thought my problems would just dissipate And all my pain would be in yesterday
I deactivated my accounts and stopped thinking in the 3rd person And watched my bad habits get flushed away I thought that that would keep my head on straight And all my pain would be in yesterday
But it’s true I’m still blue But I finally know what to do I must quit, I must quit, you
I thought that if I didn’t go and play Farmville The sadness would get bored and go away I thought that if I didn’t go astray That all my pain would be in yesterday
But it’s true I’m still blue But I finally know what to do I must quit, I must quit, you
I sold my computer and my smart phone I thought that it was these that kept me low I thought if only I could try and change That all my pain would be in yesterday
But it’s true I’m still blue But I finally know what to do I must quit, I must quit, you
I must quit, I must quit, Facebook and Twitter, I miss you!
WARNING: This blog will explode immediately after reading. If you choose to finish reading it then the L.I.A. (Lack of Intelligence Agency) is not responsible for the destruction of your hardware (ie. your pc, laptop or cellular device).
From the TOP SECRET: Wendy Files, your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to acquire a Bob Cat (by natural means) and drop it off at the Ice Cream Parlor. There, you will receive your instructions from M.O.M.
You will have assistance from the Professor (who will guide you in your operation) also known as Agent Nooff Button, Agent Mad Hatter (the one who is not seen but is always there), Agent Slow Boy (don’t depend on him for anything—he is a little behind), Agent Hot Stuff (she is the ultimate distractor), and Agent Xero (your technical support).
The Unofficial First Non-Annual Miss Gas Mask Pageant of 2009 Current mood: breezy Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping
Introducing the First Non-Annual Unofficial Miss Gass Mask Pageant of 2009 sponsored unofficially by the Womens Gas Mask Owners of America a renowned group made up on the spot just for the purpose of this blog.
Let me introduce you to this year’s contestants:
Starting with the winner by Default.
Wendy is a high-spirited contestant from Mississippi. At 29 (wink wink) she has accomplished many things in her life, but none as honorable as winning this title. She is quoted as saying, “I’m buying a Moose head that died of natural causes—who has the number to the Alaskan zoo?” She is by far the most random contestant we have ever seen! She is sporting an authentic WWII Canadian gas mask purchased off the net. She won by default this year due to the disqualification of all the other contestants as explained below.
Mindy (a.k.a. Elephant girl) would have taken home the title this year until we found out she lied about her age. Contestants must be atleast 25 to compete. It was hard to verify her age due to the gas mask covering up her young complexion.
Ash (a.k.a. Ashton) was disqualified for lieing about being a women. He also lies about having a real gas mask…go figure.
Hilda is the president of “Womens Gas Mask Owners of America.” When asked to remove her gas mask to authenticate she folded her arms and refused to do so. She was disqualified because she is not wearing a real gas mask—she was born like this and only claimed to be wearing a gas mask because kids made fun of her in grade school. She was also impeached as the first and only president of “Womens Gas Mask Owners of America” and the group disbanded shortly after this competition. Note: Womens Gas Mask Owners of America would never disqualify someone for their looks because everyone is beautiful in their own gas mask, but Hilda was not actually from America. She had us all fooled by the emblem on her shirt.
Eric Cartman was disqualified for lieing to us about being a real person. Women’s Gas Mask of America does not discriminate against cartoon characters but as part of her duties as Miss Gas Mask the winner must be able to make appearances for longer than 30 minutes and travel on demand. Unfortunately Eric could only give us 30 minutes at a time and could not leave South Park, his hometown, due to 2 dimensional limits.
Currently listening: Miss America By Mary Margaret O’Hara Release date: 1996-07-23
Disclaimer: I know the real meaning of economy and this in no way reflects that. This is a satire designed to entertain the masses (even if it is only one person at a time.)
“An economy is the realized social system of production, exchange, distribution, and consumption of goods and services of a country or other area. A given economy is the end result of a process that involves its technological evolution, civilization’s history and social organization, as well as its geography, resource endowment, and ecology, among other factors. These factors give context, content, and set the conditions and parameters in which an economy functions.”—Unknown
In this post I am going to share what I believe the state of the economy to be. With my pending ascent into Canadian royalty I feel that it is important that I reveal my prowess in economical matters.
The State of Production, Exchange, Distribution, and Consumption: Production has definitely been a fine point of American culture from limitless amounts of Beanie Babies to Monday night and Tuesday night Primetime entertainment. Why do all the good shows come on Monday and Tuesday? Don’t they know (they being the invisible people who plan the television schedules) that a DVR can only record two shows at once? Thank goodness for Internet TV! Now instead of spending my few non-working hours in front of a television, I can better enjoy myself staring at the screen of my laptop. Now don’t think just because you can enjoy TV on your PC/MAC or laptop that you get to miss out on another one of America’s amazing ways of marketing to the masses. Now I can enjoy commercials, just as much as I do when I’m watching regular TV, on my laptop—even better I get to see the same commercial six or seven times in the same one hour segment. You should know that Marketing is as much important to Production as anything else.
Marketing provides the opportunity for anybody, and I mean anybody, to spread the word about stuff we should or should not buy. For instance, the commercial for Chevy advertising the SUV hybrid, if we all did what our kids wanted then we would be stuck on a boat in the middle of a category 3 hurricane (if you watched the news during Hurricane Gustav you get it). But it works. I’m not knocking Chevy’s attempt to be “green” but I am knocking their use of children to commercialize their brand. What do children know about cars really? What about Brooke Shields and German Engineering? I thought Brooke Shields was smart but seeing her in that commercial reminds me why she was a model to begin with. (I love Lipstick Jungle—it comes on Wednesday nights unlike the conglomerate of shows on Mon and Tues nights) People don’t get pregnant to take advantage of German Engineering. But again, it works. Anyone would be stupid to believe that or fall for that. As the American people I am ashamed that such gimmicks influence our decisions and create fads. On a personal note, I just want to buy a nice used vehicle that gets me from place A to B without breaking down.
The State of Technological Evolution: I’m a PC, no I’m a MAC, no I’m a PC, but really I’m a MAC. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! Can’t we just accept that we are all just processors, motherboards, and hard drives? Operating System is just a color. We are all one race!
The State of Our Civilization’s History: They (being the economy of our past) built pyramids, coliseums, and cathedrals. We build skyscrapers and McDonalds’. They wrote epics and philosophy. We write smut and blogs.
The State of Social Organization: I’m the future Queen of Canada and Wendy is the future President of the South. That is all you need to know.
The State of Geography: We are on planet earth in the solar system located in the Milky Way Galaxy. What else do you need to know? Oh Mars may be our future home if we insist on destroying our own planet. And trust me; Mars is not a pretty place. I’ve seen it on TV.
The State of Ecology: I had to look ecology up to be sure I understood it exactly. There is nothing too important to say other than respect the ecology; it makes us and the organisms around us who we are.
breezy 
